I Do Not Like Miller Lite, Good Sir!
“Miller Lite Beer” Marketing
By Dr Seuss
While craft brewers dish out
an endless array of beer styles, the big boys dish out an endless array of beer
packaging. Miller Lite, along with other juggernaut light beers, has gone the
“Green Eggs and Ham” route – constantly changing the ways to enjoy their
product versus actually changing it. And who can blame them? Despite the
explosion of craft beer, (and I’m definitely on that bandwagon), light beers
still own the game. But will playing with the packaging entice new customers? I
think Sam-I-am will do just fine…
Do
you like Miller Lite beer?
I do
not like Miller Lite, good sir.
No
matter how you package her.
Would you like it in a can?
I
would not like it in a can,
Not
even a punch-top, wide-mouth can.
I do
not like Miller Lite, good sir.
No
matter how you package her.
Would you like it in a
bottle?
What if it had a vortex
topple?
Even
with a vortex topple, I would not like it in a bottle.
Nor
in a can, not even a punch-top, wide-mouth can.
I
do not like Miller Lite, good sir.
No
matter how you package her.
Would you drink it out of
plastic?
Our home draft system is
quite fantastic!
It’s
not fantastic and I don’t care for plastic.
And
I wouldn’t enjoy it in a bottle,
With
or without a vortex topple.
I
do not want it in a can,
Not
even a punch-top, wide-mouth can.
I
do not like Miller Lite, good sir.
No
matter how you package her!
A pint can! A bottle/can mix!
Surely you’d try a bottle/can
mix?
A
pint can? A bottle/can mix?
Who
comes up with these marketing tricks?
That’s
less fantastic,
Than
the keg made of plastic.
I’d
hate it in that as I would in a bottle,
Especially
one with a vortex topple.
It
isn’t good when it comes from a can,
Not
even a punch-top, wide-mouth can.
I
do not like Miller Lite, good sir.
No
matter how you package her!
So you say you don’t like
this particular brand,
Well I bet you would if you
tried it, young man.
Just take a sip from the one
in my hand.
Fine!
Fine!
If
it spares me this plight,
I
will try Miller Lite!
…Say!
I
like Miller Lite!
I
do, I do! I like Miller Lite!
I
would drink it from a bottle/can mix,
Knowing
full well it’s a marketing tricks!
I
would drink it from kegs made of plastic
You’re
right, you’re right – they are fantastic!
I’d
drink it, too, from a bottle
My,
it’s tasty with a vortex topple!
I’d
even drink it from that fancy can,
That
wide-mouth, punch-top – you’ve sold me, man!
